Greetings comrades! We have a few words of Newspeak from the Ministry of Truth.
First, we wish to extend exuberant greetings to our fellow travelers in Canada, in particular the brown shirts at the University of Ottawa. We are overjoyed at the welcome received by the vile Kulak Spokeperson Coulter. The display of love and open minded tolerance by our northern fellow travelers is truly heart warming down in the New Peeps Repubic, especially at the administration’s Ministry of Truth. The students’ tolerance for the opposition is to be commended! We know it is a struggle, but the Ministry of Truth is overjoyed to see such an outpouring of love and support from the kind citizens of our closest neighbor.
We are also quite pleased with the Ministry of Truth campaign to expose the vile death threats being made on behalf of the unhinged bourgeois Kulak opposition. While it is true there has been no statistically significant change in the number of threats of violence received, it was too delicious an opportunity to portray the evil Kulaks as nut jobs and fruitcakes. Who in their right mind could not fall adoringly at the feet of our Dear Exalted High Leader ObaMao? That alone is a sure sign of derangement! The Ministry of Truth will have more information on the heinous plans of these so called “businessmen”, and we have loyal Party operatives infiltrating areas in the Red Zone just in case we need to generate more vicious attack audio from the lands of the slack jawed yokels!
We have also noticed that the Kulaks are now becoming aware of the true subtlety of ‘The Law for Removing Stress From The People and The Reich’. It is becoming obvious they did not realize that all decision and rule making authority was being granted to various loyal Party members working as departmental operatives within the administration of Benevolent High Exalted Leader. The Ministry of Truth is working diligently behind the scenes to make the transition of power to these new fiefdoms as easy as possible. Loyal Party members who are seeking preferential treatment should begin making generous donations now to the Party. Small denomination currency is appropriate, and donations in Euros will be preferred since the ink on the trillions of newly minted dollars is still so wet. We also encourage the use of the Kulaks ‘gift card’ products since they help to cloud the paper trail. This may be important should the Kulaks somehow gain access to records currently guarded by The Party.
Finally, a word to Comrade K3NG about the program to harvest organs and Precious Bodily Fluids from the denizens of 75 meter nets. The program has actually been quite active, and many brains were pre-harvested and are in use by administration Party operatives. Comrade Stasi has found that these brains were well suited to the phony ‘death threat’ false flag dis-information operation, and have been in widespread use over the past several weeks. Since it is so difficult to convince the greedy Kulaks to stop their incessant money grubbing long enough to portray them in their proper place as snaggle toothed hill billies “clinging to their guns and religion”, Comrade Stasi has found these amateur brains quite useful. Plans to harvest additional body parts have been abandoned after it was determined these other parts were in a state of dis-repair. These late night chats will be allowed to proceed until such time as we have more shovels to issue them for the “shovel ready projects”. It would appear that there will be delays at the shovel factory, since the Kulak CEO’s seem to be having difficulty making transition from their previous cushy desk jobs to their new employment hand crafting shovels. More former CEO’s will soon be dispatched to assist the shovel manufacture operations once Benevolent Exalted Leader determines which of these Kulaks are truly Enemies of the State.
New informations will be available on these matters as events unfold. We are currently seeking thugs with the correct credentials to populate the new jobs created to help separate the evil Kulak money grubbers from their property. Only the most loyal and motivated Party members will be considered for these important positions, as we expect the Kulaks to attempt to flee with their ill gotten gains. Shovels will be preferentially requisitioned from the available supply for these Kulaks who are unwilling to cooperate, especially those who have refused to grant generous donations to the Party in small denominations. Until the next dispatch, sit back and relax – it is going to be like the Kulaks ‘Christmas’!
Note: Since the term “Christmas” is considered so offensive at the ministry of Truth, we will soon begin the transition from the commonly used term “Christmas” to “Most Benevolent and Exhalted Leaders’ Meatless Winterfest”, and extra turnips will be distributed if they are available.
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